Caregiver Burnout
Congratulations to the caregiver who manages the needs of an aging parent plus their kids with calm, confidence, and ease—for the rest of us, caregiver fatigue is common. We cope with things like ice cream, music, or movies, but what happens when desserts and distractions no longer provide relief? Caregiver burnout. Especially for SG caregivers, it can be debilitating and dangerous. Here are some red flags:
o Extreme physical and mental exhaustion, regardless of a reasonable amount of sleep
o Battling constant colds, respiratory infections, headaches, etc.
o Shift in normal sleep patterns (too much sleep/insomnia)
o Compassion fatigue (apathetic, empty feeling towards the person you care for due to your prolonged exposure to their trauma/suffering)
o Impatience or even anger towards the parent you take care of
o Total lack of interest in pleasurable activities
o Neglecting self-care
o Severe irritability with kids over minor issues
o Marriage tension about responsibilities and lack of time together
o Feeling trapped by caregiving duties with no end in sight
o Guilt that you are neglecting your kids to care for your parent
o Guilt that you are letting your parent down when their health declines
o Feeling scatterbrained, unable to focus
o Overuse of alcohol or other unhealthy substances
o Overeating
o Resentment of other families that are not burdened with caregiving duties
o A constant feeling of hopelessness or sadness
o Obsessing over unreasonable fears or worries
o Indifference towards friends and other extended family members
Please do not dismiss caregiver burnout. “Pushing through” may lead to serious health issues. Your children, spouse, and your parent(s) depend on you. Here are two links to caregiver burnout quizzes—answer each question honestly:
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/caregiver-burnout-quiz/
https://www.whereyoulivematters.org/resources/con-caregiver-burnout-quiz/
The only solution to caregiver burnout is change. Only God knows what that looks like for you and your family. Seek Him for answers and trust He will reveal specific changes you must make.
Here are some suggestions to help manage caregiver burnout:
o Join a support group or talk to another caregiver who understands the deep emotions and stress. It’s okay if your spouse or best friend cannot handle your grief—don’t hold that against them.
o Take short, simple breaks. British novelist Iris Murdoch wrote that one key to a joyful life is “continuous small treats.” Agreed. Fifteen minutes spent doing something you love can provide genuine relief.
o Get healthy. Exercise (simple is sufficient—short walks, 15-minute strength training videos, easy bike rides, etc.) Pass on processed snacks and meals for real food. Drink lots of water. Get ample sunshine.
o Improve sleep. Avoid staying up “too late,” whatever that looks like for you. Try a new pillow, blanket, or upgrade your mattress. Add a heater or fan to your bedroom to ensure your ideal sleep temperature.
o Find help. Friends and family are usually willing to help if you are specific. Refrain from guilt-tripping anyone for assistance. If you are financially able, hire help (Check out “Helpful Websites” under Caregiving Resources section for more information on hiring outside help).
o Release yourself from unrealistic expectations. If you aren’t sure what those are, ask God and He will help reveal what you are holding onto that is causing undue stress.
o Perform schedule “surgery.” Caregiver burnout usually stems from a lack of time and rest. Evaluate your schedule with your family. Prioritize necessities. Cut optional activities.
o Research respite care. Many nursing facilities offer short-term (two-weeks to a few months) care for a loved one.
o Research local options for adult day care. Programs may include half-day or full-day options with meals included. Some facilities may only take dementia patients, while others will accept any medical condition.
o Get educated. Although unpleasant, research whatever health battle your parent is facing. Know the stages, signs, and symptoms. Use this knowledge for prayer strategy and planning.
o Evaluate the sacrifice and suffering. Make hard decisions with God’s guidance. No son or daughter wants the burden of placing their parent in a nursing home. However, if your SG caregiving journey begins to harm your child/children, moving your parent to a care facility may be the best option.
Sources:
https://therapistsincharlotte.com/therapists-charlotte-blog/4-stages-of-caregiver-burnout-what-therapists-notice-when-you-say-im-fine/
https://www.vitas.com/family-and-caregiver-support/caregiving/caregiver-life-balance/signs-of-caregiver-burnout-and-how-to-prevent-it
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9225-caregiver-burnout