Realized Resentment
Juggling the care of a parent while you are still in your child-rearing days is a monumental undertaking. When kids feel sidelined by caregiving duties, bitterness can follow.
Kathryn Cox
1 min read
"I hate Grandma."
The whispered words pierced my soul.
Thankfully, my mother didn't overhear the bitter sentiment spilling from her grandchild. The look on my face told my daughter that I was hurt, but not angry—I understood.
Years of contending with Alzheimer's disease, which was destroying my mom's life, left me most days feeling overly exhausted and spent. Mom's needs couldn't wait. My daughter and her brother didn't enjoy waiting for my attention either. Animosity toward the grandmother my children once adored brewed in their hearts, weary of a seemingly never-ending battle with dementia.
Depression and indifference blinded me to the fact that both my children had become resentful of their grandma. Of course, they knew she couldn't help the erratic behavior and annoying repetitions—and I knew my daughter didn't really hate her grandmother. Regardless, the care of my mom inadvertently pulled me away from them and caused tension.
Here are some warning signs of resentment to look out for in your children when you are juggling life as a sandwich generation caregiver:
Avoidance of grandpa/grandma in social settings
Indifference to their grandparents' needs or medical procedures/appointments
Sighs/eye rolls when discussing their grandparents
Harsh comments to friends about grandparent
Not wanting grandpa/grandma to join in family outings
Showing extreme annoyance when asked to do a minor and quick task for their grandparent
Talk to your kids often about your caregiving duties and ask them to share their honest feelings to avoid resentment. Ask them for their own ideas on how to better care for your parent without making anyone in the family feel neglected.